Too Late.

Today is the gloomiest day in 2013.
Pretty ironic because this also happens to my birthday right now. Ha. I can't say this is the worst birthday yet, because a lot of things can also happen in the future and I really am sure by that. But my 17th birthday (more tragic) is one of the hella day.

To cut it short, my beloved grandmother died. Today.

I guess I should tell you about my current activities in the past 24 hours, while she was suffering from Izrail.

I woke up at 9 AM, third of the earliest time I woke up in holidays. My dad was just back home to wash himself, because of gymnastic sport time or whatever it was in his office. Still under my conciousness, he went back to his office again. I need such a big time to regain of what happened today, so I literally woke up at 11.

Nothing much to do actually. I just read my sister's novels, wash dishes, sort laundries, eat, and check my phones most of the time (oh, and watch EXO on Simply Kpop).

I don't know why but I don't feel anything strange when grandma died. No, I'm not a bad grandchild, totally not. Instead of bad feelings, I only got ready-to-work feels to make my parents' temper belowered just a bit, which was successful by the way.

I really have no idea what was going on, being a moron I am, when Mom told us that grandma died. The first word that came out from my mouth is "REALLY? YOU'RE NOT LYING RIGHT?" instead of Innalillahi. I thought that my mom lied or misconception of who died. But she's not. And for that I owned 30 minutes worth of Dad's madness. Not good at all.

Of course when I realized what actually happened, I only silenced. No words came out after Innalillahi. Then my sister screamed. My mom scold us to pray for grandma instead cried, my dad scold us for everything unrelated.

Another 30 minutes later, I went to my room, lock it, and cried.

I still remember until now, my dad's grandparents love me the most, according to my mom, dad, uncle, aunt, even my nephews are bit jealous of me. I got their affection the most when I was borned till I'm 4 years old. It's not a lie when I said that I forgot, but the fact that they loved me most makes me guilty because, I can't repay them with, anything.

My grandpa died when I was 6th grade in elementary, so it was 2008-2009ish? My dad was the most depressed among all of his siblings. I can't even make him smile in 6 consecutive months!

And grandma. Oh my sweet lovable grandma. The last time I saw her was 2010. I met her only a week because school starts a week after back then. The last time I contact her was, what do you know, 6 days ago. She told me she really miss me and my family, and ask us to come visit her. My dad can only replied with "When we have better financial condition".

But now, this morning actually, I'm gonna meet her, but in the different situation, with the different pit/hole in my heart.

Oh god, I wanna cry.

If you ask the most memorable thing that I can remember, it's always when she called me. She once said that she dreamed about me going to America and lived there happily ever after. I can only laughed and prayed that all her prayers come true. And last month, when she can't remember my sister but she recognized my voice immediately. That moment I wanted to fly to her house and gave her a bone-crushed hug.

What's the point of my long-short story? Actually, I have no idea.

But to be honest with you, I don't really care about my day. The day when I supposed to be happy and have a party to celebrate my maturity. Eventhough, I still appreciate it when you guys congratulate me. At least you remember about me.

But, I will be more than grateful, no I will bow to you, if you guys pray for my grandmother's pure soul, so she can rest in peace. At least no more diseases can hurt her. No I don't wanna see her suffer in the end of this world later. And for us, for my all family to be strong and believe that this is not the end, absolutely not good bye, but we will meet her again in afterlife. Amin.

See you next time, grandma!
We love you.
And thanks. For everything.

Love,
Fiha